Silly Labels

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

 

 On a Sear's hairdryer:

 

Do not use while sleeping.
(When I'm sleep-walking with wet hair, I'll get a cold).

 

 

On a bag of Fritos:

 

You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special)?

 

 

 

On a bar of Dial soap:

 

"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and how would that be???)

 

 

 

On some Swanson frozen dinners:

 

"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion).

 

 

 

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):

 

"Do not turn upside down."
(well, that news flash that would be a bit late.)

 

 

 

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:

 

"Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought....????)

 

 

 

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:

 

"Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time?)

 

 

 

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:

 

"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off the streets.)

 

 

 

On Nyquil:

 

"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and. I'm taking this because...???)

 

 

 

On most brands of Christmas lights:

 

"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(Where else can you use it... IN the doorway?)

 

 

 

On a Japanese food processor:

 

"Not to be used for the other use."
(no bomb-making, I guess.)

 

 

 

On Planter's Peanuts:

 

"Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)

 

 

 

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:

 

"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe... fly Northwest?)

 

 

 

On a child's superman costume:

 

"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

(why buy it, then?)

 

 

 

On a chainsaw:

 

"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands, knee, or genitals."
(Um.... was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)